So I spoke in an earlier blog about major things happening. One was Cianah turning 14. Heading to High School is a major thing for us. The other MAJOR thing happened March 29th.
You never really realize how much a person means to you or how much of an impact they have on your life, until they are gone. March 29th was a realization of how precious life is. How we all take for granted the many blessing we each have. Some of us have wealth, some of are blessed in more important ways. I am blessed to have the many number of wonderful people surrounding me and lifting me up on a daily basis. Life is too short to not relish the small victories. Life is too short not to step back and reflect on all the joy life has to offer. Sometimes that's the laugh of your child. Sometimes that's the friend pushing you to keep going when you feel like giving up. Sometimes that a word of encouragement from a person who has been there and conquered the mountain you are starting to climb.
On March 29th, I lost a huge blessing. Jama was a mother figure. Some one I sought guidance from. She was a mother, a sister, a friend, that I will never be able to replace. Her passing will forever leave a empty space in my life.
Jama was one of the most positive people I have ever met. No matter the situation she always looked at the bright side of life. She taught me that fretting over things doesn't accomplish anything. She had a way to make everything ok. She could take me from panic to peace in 60 seconds. I always trusted her and knew she would never steer me wrong.
Seeing her in the hospital was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Being in her room with Marsha picking out her clothes, feeling her presence all around was heart wrenching. It was so hard to be strong for Marsha when all I wanted to do was sit on that floor and cry. I wanted to feel her hand on my shoulder. I wanted to see her smile. I wanted to tell her one more time how stubborn she was. I just can't believe she's gone.
I will miss all the things she meant to me. At the funeral it made us all realize how very much she had this same effect on everyone she met. She touched so many people in her 67 years on this earth.
Karl said it's hard for him to be sad. He said sometimes he feels bad that he's not sad. But he knows that Jama is on the highest mountain top looking out over the rest of us and she's happy. She's at peace. I am still not at the place that I can think that clearly. I still miss her. I still want her here with us. And for completely selfish reasons. I need her.
Marsha (her only child) is going to be married in September. I've tried to make sure that the wedding goes one. I KNOW Jama would be stomping her feet and throwing her hands in the air if we didn't move on. So we press on. I know that she will be there with us all that day, celebrating. She knows that Barry and Marsha are meant to be. Seeing Barry help Marsha through this has just proved to me what a wonderful man he is. How much he truly loves Marsha. How he would do anything to take that hurt away.
Bob (her husband of 41 years) is like a lost puppy. How much pain would I be in if I lost Karl? And we've only been together 7 years. How immeasurable is that pain after 41 years of a constant in your life? I would be lost.
I know that Jama knows how very much she meant to me. I only wish I had one more chance to tell her. To hug her. To tell her I love her.
Jama my angel, I love you. May your transition to the other side be full of rainbows and sunshine. I miss you.
