I am searching for little bits of advice that I can put together into a book and leave with Cianah when we leave her at school. (sniff, sniff)
Here is what I've come up with so far. Most I've found random places on the net. If you have any other suggestions I would love to hear them. I am blocking my FB post so she can't see it - so if you speak to her - please don't mention it. I would like this to be a surprise.
I am running out of time to pull it all together - but I will do this. :)
Here's my list so far:
1. Be Generous with your time, your money, your heart. If, on my best day, there was a single lesson I could hope to impart to you, this would be it.
2. Root for other people. We all tend to envy other people’s successes. It’s not intentional; somewhere in our DNA it seems to be programmed that for every success for someone else, there is one less success for us. For every book published, there is one less book we will publish; for every baby had, there is one less baby for us to have. Of course, that is illogical. Fight off those thoughts; there is an unlimited amount of potential for everyone in this universe. Championing others is kind, and even more, it’s a display of optimism that will seep into you and color your view of this life.
3. You don’t have to pretend you know something if you don’t. It’s okay to just say, “I don’t know.” You can’t know everything!
4. You are the source of your own happiness. No one (besides your mother) will be more invested in your emotional well-being than they are in their own. Joy is not something gifted to you by other people; it’s an outlook on the world that you have to cultivate independent of friends and lovers. If I could give it to you, I would, a million times over, but the truth is that you are singularly responsible for your own happiness.
5. Live alone for a period of time. I love living with you and your father; I also cherish the years I spent living alone. You shouldn’t go from being someone’s daughter to someone’s wife to someone’s mother without first being someone yourself. Living alone will allow you to discover who you are when no one is watching, what you need to get through a day, and ultimately that you are a capable, independent woman.
6. Be where you are. Try not to think about where you need to go next or wherever you just came from. This is more difficult than it sounds, but work at it. It’s important for your head to be present in the place where your body is.
7. Unless you’re playing a game, there’s no point in keeping score. Running a tally of who gets what in life will only frustrate you and annoy everyone else. It serves no purpose; the way life’s benefits and hindrances are doled out will never make any sense.
8. Ensure that the “bad” things you do are the result of your own choices. You are doubtlessly going to engage in some unhealthy, unwise or otherwise questionable behavior somewhere along the line; this is part of learning your limits and establishing your comfort zone. Please have enough self-awareness to at least make the choice to participate, rather than floating through life getting swept up in whatever trouble comes your way.
9. If you test people, they may fail. Friendship, love, and family don’t hinge on any single success or failure; you would do yourself a disservice to tests things as complex as love and affection.
10. Create a sense of family wherever you are. Find people to love and love them unconditionally.
11. Try not to wait eagerly for people to finish their stories just so you can tell your own versions that more directly involve you. Be a good listener.
12. Pursue more than just the things you are good at. You will be told often what your talents are. Enjoy the compliments, but don’t accept them at face value. You don’t want to walk a narrow path; attempt things you aren’t comfortable with and uncover skills you didn’t know you possessed.
13. You will get good at anything you practice. Everything gets easier the more you do it, good or bad, so choose your habits wisely.
14. If you don’t have the money to buy an extravagant gift for someone special, bake! Sometimes the smallest gestures make the biggest impact.
15. It is possible to be both pretty and smart. They don’t always go together, certainly, but one thing does not preclude the other. This goes for you and also for people you meet.
16. Every time you rescue someone else, you rescue yourself a little bit. You will have occasion to save people: to throw a life preserver, to present an opportunity, to alter a destiny for the better. Seize these chances. Reflect your best, most giving characteristics. Rescue yourself from tedious inward focus: These are your opportunities, too.
17. The measure of your goodness is not the amount of love you receive. It is the quality of the love you give to others. It takes a long time to learn this lesson, maybe more time than most of us have.
18. Never do anything just because everyone else is if you believe it's wrong. Always be true to yourself. Stand up for what is right especially if you stand alone.
19. Expect the best from life and that's what you'll get.
20. Never Despise Yourself. You are great and capable of achieving great things so believe in yourself. When things go badly never stop believing. Learn from your mistakes and failures. In the end, some of your greatest pains become your greatest strengths.
21. Never Get Obsessed with your Appearance. We think you look great. Please be happy with the person you are and the body you have. Eat sensibly, exercise and be healthy. Know that beauty has everything to do with how you feel about yourself and nothing to do with looks or other people's opinions.
22. Never Live Beyond Your Means. Throughout life try to keep your spending within your income and save a little. Avoid getting into debt if possible. Learn the difference between wants and needs. You NEED to eat, you WANT to eat prime rib. Save the lavish for special occasion, it means more that way.
23. Never get Involved with a married man. There are plenty of great single men out there. Don’t get entangled with a married man no matter how attractive he is – it will end in your tears.
24. Never give less than your best. We are very proud of what you have accomplished so far. You should be proud too. Keep doing well. Keep trying your hardest at everything you do. If it’s worth doing, it worth doing right. No one can ask for more than that.
25. Never date a man who is rude to waiters, doesn't say "bless you" when you sneeze, or won't offer you his jacket when you're cold.
26. Never cheat. Not on exams, the crossword puzzle, or your boyfriend
27. It may be a small world but it's a huge planet. Grab every opportunity to see as much of it as you possibly can. Most people don't.
28. When you realize that everyone comes from a dysfunctional family, life gets a little easier and you feel a little less crazy. Your family is no more weird or dysfunctional than anyone else’s. “If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back" (the same goes for families). The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
29. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
30. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
31. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
32. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
33. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
34. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
35. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.
36. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
37. Don’t be afraid to fail. Failure is not fatal; success is not final. It is the courage to continue that counts.
38. Be confident. Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to something we aren’t. Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is only when you accept everything your are and aren’t that you will truly succeed.
39. Never miss an opportunity because you were too scared to try. Being brave is not acting without fear... It's being scared and acting anyway.
40. Remember in your darkest moments that even when it feels like the end of the world... It's not. Time truly does heal all wounds. Give yourself the gift of time to deal with any pain.
41. Fall in love with someone who makes you laugh. Laughter cures a multitude of ills.
42. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
43. Be thankful for everything you have. Even on your worst day, you have more than some people will have on their best. As you breathe right now, another person takes their last. So appreciate your life and don’t complain about what you don’t have. You are truly blessed…even if it might not seem that way sometimes.
44. Your parents aren't perfect but they did the best they could. Love them for all they have been and forgive them their short comings. You will be better for it.
45. Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -Buddha
Never forget that your parents love you. Whatever happens in life, your family will still be your family. Whatever difficulties you encounter you can always talk to us and we will try to help. We are here for you.
Nothing you could ever do in this world would cause me to stop loving you. Please remember that however hard you fall, I’m here to catch you.
I love you for all that you are, all that you have been, and all you’re yet to be.
Never forget that I love you more than any other person in the world, no matter how far apart we are you will always be my daughter.
Comments, suggestions, other advice is MUCH appreciated and welcomed.
She will always just be my little girl.
Thanks!!
