So I know most of you know that I made this cute little book for Cianah before we sent her off to college.
Cianah's Advice Book I was later told that she never actually read it....She just looked at the pictures. Her boyfriend Dylan did though - and he gave it "two thumbs up." I figured at 18 this book would mean little - but at age 28 it may mean a little more. So I plan to continue the tradition and make one for Tatiana too. Looking to see if anyone has any new advice that they'd like to contribute?
Here's my current list some are duplicative and need to be combined but I just jot them down here and there. And they won't all make it in the book - but it's a starting point.
1.
Be Generous with your time, your money, your heart. If,
on my best day, there was a single lesson I could hope to impart to you, this
would be it.
2.
Root for other people. We all tend to envy other
people’s successes. It’s not intentional; somewhere in our DNA it seems to be
programmed that for every success for someone else, there is one less success
for us. For every book published, there is one less book we will publish; for
every baby had, there is one less baby for us to have. Of course, that is illogical.
Fight off those thoughts; there is an unlimited amount of potential for
everyone in this universe. Championing others is kind, and even more, it’s a
display of optimism that will seep into you and color your view of this life.
3.
You don’t have to pretend you know something if you don’t. It’s
okay to just say, “I don’t know.” You can’t know everything!
4.
You are the source of your own happiness. No one
(besides your mother) will be more invested in your emotional well-being than
they are in their own. Joy is not something gifted to you by other people; it’s
an outlook on the world that you have to cultivate independent of friends and
lovers. If I could give it to you, I would, a million times over, but the truth
is that you are singularly responsible for your own happiness.
5.
Live alone for a period of time. I love living with you
and your father; I also cherish the years I spent living alone. You shouldn’t
go from being someone’s daughter to someone’s wife to someone’s mother without
first being someone yourself. Living alone will allow you to discover who you
are when no one is watching, what you need to get through a day, and ultimately
that you are a capable, independent woman.
6.
Be where you are. Try not to think about where you need
to go next or wherever you just came from. This is more difficult than it
sounds, but work at it. It’s important for your head to be present in the place
where your body is.
7.
Unless you’re playing a game, there’s no point in keeping score. Running
a tally of who gets what in life will only frustrate you and annoy everyone
else. It serves no purpose; the way life’s benefits and hindrances are doled
out will never make any sense.
8.
Ensure that the “bad” things you do are the result of your own choices. You
are doubtlessly going to engage in some unhealthy, unwise or otherwise
questionable behavior somewhere along the line; this is part of learning your
limits and establishing your comfort zone. Please have enough self-awareness to
at least make the choice to participate, rather than floating through life
getting swept up in whatever trouble comes your way.
9.
If you test people, they may fail. Friendship, love, and
family don’t hinge on any single success or failure; you would do yourself a
disservice to tests things as complex as love and affection.
10.
Create a sense of family wherever you are. Find people
to love and love them unconditionally.
11.
Try not to wait eagerly for people to finish their stories just so you
can tell your own versions that more directly involve you. Be a good listener.
12.
Pursue more than just the things you are good at. You
will be told often what your talents are. Enjoy the compliments, but don’t
accept them at face value. You don’t want to walk a narrow path; attempt things
you aren’t comfortable with and uncover skills you didn’t know you possessed.
13.
You will get good at anything you practice. Everything
gets easier the more you do it, good or bad, so choose your habits wisely.
14.
If you don’t have the money to buy an extravagant gift for someone
special, bake! Sometimes the smallest gestures make the biggest impact.
15.
It is possible to be both pretty and smart. They don’t
always go together, certainly, but one thing does not preclude the other. This
goes for you and also for people you meet.
16.
Every time you rescue someone else, you rescue yourself a little bit. You
will have occasion to save people: to throw a life preserver, to present an
opportunity, to alter a destiny for the better. Seize these chances. Reflect
your best, most giving characteristics. Rescue yourself from tedious inward
focus: These are your opportunities, too.
17.
The measure of your goodness is not the amount of love you receive. It
is the quality of the love you give to others. It takes a long time to learn
this lesson, maybe more time than most of us have.
18.
Never do
anything just because everyone else is if you believe it's wrong. Always be
true to yourself. Stand up for what is right especially if you stand alone.
19.
Expect
the best from life and that's what you'll get.
20.
Never
Despise Yourself. You are great and capable of achieving great things so
believe in yourself. When things go badly never stop believing. Learn from your mistakes and failures. In the
end, some of your greatest pains become your greatest strengths.
21.
Never
Get Obsessed with your Appearance. We think you look great. Please be
happy with the person you are and the body you have. Eat sensibly,
exercise and be healthy. Know
that beauty has everything to do with how you feel about yourself and nothing
to do with looks or other people's opinions.
22.
Never Live Beyond Your Means. Throughout life try to keep
your spending within your income and save a little. Avoid getting into
debt if possible. Learn the difference between wants and
needs. You NEED to eat, you WANT to eat prime rib. Save the lavish
for special occasion, it means more that way.
23.
Never get Involved with a married man. There are plenty of great
single men out there. Don’t get entangled with a married man no matter
how attractive he is – it will end in your tears.
24.
Never date a man who is rude to waiters, doesn't
say "bless you" when you sneeze, or won't offer you his jacket when
you're cold.
25.
Never cheat. Not on exams, the crossword puzzle,
or your boyfriend.
26.
It may be a small world but it's a huge planet.
Grab every opportunity to see as much of it as you possibly can. Most people
don't.
27.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know
that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never
crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle
Tuesday.
28.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
29.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes
you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's
only with yourself.
30.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you
want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting
40-year-olds I know still don't.
31.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe
you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll
dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever
you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your
choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
32.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a
precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you
when you were young.
33.
Get to know your parents. You never know when
they'll be gone for good.
34.
Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link
to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
35.
Don’t be afraid to fail. Failure is not fatal;
success is not final. It is the courage to continue that counts.
36.
Be confident. Too many days are wasted comparing
ourselves to others and wishing to something we aren’t. Everybody has their own strengths and
weaknesses, and it is only when you accept everything your are and aren’t that
you will truly succeed.
37.
Never give less than your best. We are very proud of what you
have accomplished so far. You should be proud too. Keep doing
well. Keep trying your hardest at everything you do. If it’s worth
doing, it’s worth doing right. No one can ask for more than that.
38.
You are just as important as any other person on
this planet. Don’t let the need to fit
in or your forgiving heart allow someone to treat you poorly. Treat others with kindness and expect the
same in return.
39.
Never miss an opportunity because you were too
scared to try. Being brave is not acting without fear... It's being scared and
acting anyway.
40.
Remember in your darkest moments that even when
it feels like the end of the world... It's not.
Time truly does heal all wounds. Give yourself the gift of time to deal
with any pain.
41.
Fall in love with someone
who makes you laugh. Laughter cures a multitude of ills.
42.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone
else's life. Don't be trapped living with the results of other people's
thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner
voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
43.
Be thankful for everything you have. Even
on your worst day, you have more than some people will have on their best. As
you breathe right now, another person takes their last. So appreciate your life and don’t complain
about what you don’t have. You are truly blessed…even if it might not seem that
way sometimes.
44.
When you realize that everyone comes from a
dysfunctional family, life gets a little easier and you feel a little less
crazy. Your family is no more weird or dysfunctional than anyone else’s.
“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours
back" (the same goes for families). The only normal people are the ones
you don't know very well.
45.
Your parents aren't perfect but they did the
best they could. Love them for all they have been and forgive them their short
comings. You will be better for it.
46.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets
burned.
47.
I will always be your mother, however now I get
to take a step back, allow you to make your own choices and I get to become
your friend. Please know no matter what
I am doing, if you need to talk I will be there. If something is wrong I am always here to
listen and if you want it, give you the best advice I can.
48.
Who
you are is God's gift to you. What you do with who you are is your gift to God.
49.
Be the best you. If you want others to think you
are nice. Be nice. If you want others to think you are compassionate,
intelligent, loyal, hard working, sincere and full of integrity... then be that
person. Execute. Let your actions speak for themselves because you are all of
those things... just be true to yourself and show the world the best of you.
50.
You
are absolutely and undeniably unique. You are one of a kind, and there is
no one like you in the world. BE YOURSELF. It will draw people to
you for the rest of your life.
51.
Life
is not a race. Never compare yourself to where the people around you are.
Your plan is different than anyone else’s plan. Remember that.
52.
Always
set goals. Even small ones. We are creatures of progression.
Post your goals where you can see them and always picture yourself
accomplishing them.
53.
Lists
are your friend. Make them, and enjoy the glorious feeling of crossing
off an item.
54.
Step
outside your comfort zone. You’ll be surprised.
55.
Everything
is always okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.
56.
Nothing
you do can make me stop loving you.
57.
Beauty
truly comes from the inside. Believe that. The media lies.
Don’t compare yourself or your looks. Comparison is the thief of
joy. You were made in God’s image. He doesn’t make mistakes.
You ARE beautiful.
58.
We
don’t stop playing when we get old. We get old because we stop playing.
59.
Friends
will make or break you. Seek out good friends. Be the kind of
friend you wish you had.
60.
Don’t
be a people-pleaser. Just be honest and do what’s right, even if it’s not
popular.
61.
Live
alone at least once in your life. You will learn more about yourself in
that time than you ever can imagine.
62.
When
you start feeling sorry for yourself, find someone to serve. Do something
nice for someone. Making cookies is a good start.
63.
Chronic
complaining is unattractive. Develop your problem solving skills.
If you aren’t willing to make the proper change, you aren’t allowed to
whine about the problem.
64.
There
are things dogs understand, that people don’t. Cuddle one of the puppies
when you’re having a sad day.
65.
Never
deny an adventure.
66.
Don’t
lose the Eternal Perspective. As long as you can remember that God knows
what he is doing, small trials become trivial. He sees more than we do,
and it’s all for something.
67.
Keep
a journal. Write your story. It’s therapy.
68.
Don’t
be afraid to do things yourself.
69.
Part
of doing things yourself is making mistakes. Mistakes can always be
fixed.You never know who is watching and looking up to you. Never forget
that you are always an example to someone.
70.
Be
kind to everyone. Even strangers. You don’t know what they are
going through. Treat everyone you meet like it’s their birthday.
71.
Hard
work will get you further than anything in life.
72.
Learn
to see the beauty in the world. It’s all around. You just have to
open your eyes.
73.
Take
road trips often.
74.
There
is more to life than money. Money can never make you happy. Debt
will rot your soul. Avoid unnecessary debt.
75.
Music
is a language best understood by the heart.
76.
Laugh
every single day. A sense of humor is worth gold.
77.
Happiness
is a journey. It’s a mood. It is NOT a destination. You can
be happy amidst trials.
78.
Always
eat breakfast.
79.
Camping
is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Do it at least once a year.
80.
True
love is doing the dishes together and inside jokes over silly things.
81.
You’re
never too busy for a long bubble bath.
82.
Celebrate
your heritage.
83.
Be
detail oriented.
84.
No
excuses. Just woman-up and get things done!
85.
A
good pair of running shoes is an investment.
86.
Trust
takes a long time to earn, be so careful to not break that with your friends
and family.
87.
Make
friends with your cousins. Those relationships get even better with age.
88.
A
strong man isn’t threatened by a strong woman.
89.
Womanhood
is a gift.
90.
The
painful truth is always better than a messy lie.
91.
Good
communication is a skill that should always be worked on.
92.
When
it rains, pause to go jump in a puddle. Dance, while you’re at it.
93.
Understand
your worth. If someone isn’t willing to treat you well, they aren’t worth
your time. Don’t ever ever settle just to save yourself from being alone.
94.
Never
play the victim. If bad things happen, it’s for a reason. We rise
from the ashes. We don’t feel sorry for ourselves.
95.
It’s
not your place to judge. Ever.
96.
Forgive.
Even when they never say sorry.
97.
Don’t
ever count on somebody else to make you happy.
98.
There’s
no shame in having milk and Oreos for breakfast.
99.
Be
brave enough to try new foods at least once.
100.
Be
the first to volunteer when someone needs help.
101.
Go
to the mountains often, even if only on a drive.
102.
Get
a library card.
103.
Fight
for what matters.
104.
Learn
something from everyone.
105.
Nobody
likes a know-it-all.
106.
Mean
everything you say. Keep your word.
107.
Don’t
live in the past. You can’t drive forward if you’re stuck looking in a
rear view mirror. You will keep crashing. Look FORWARD, and
occasionally glance back to keep things in check.
108.
Don’t
wait for things to happen. Make them happen.
109.
Drink
lots of water.
110.
Most
of the things you worry about never happen.
111.
I
will always want to hear from you.
112.
Being
passive aggressive is immature. When you have a problem with something or
someone, do the right thing and talk to them about it. It’s hard.
But it’s better.
113.
It
never hurts to ask.
114.
You
can’t change what people think about you. Be your best self, and that is
enough.
115.
Go
thrift shopping often.
116.
Girls
can use power tools too.
117.
Get
to know yourself. And LOVE yourself. But remember, it’s not always
about YOU. Think of others, and be there to lift them up.
118.
Your
life has a reason, and you have a great work to do. Look for
opportunities around you to make a difference.
119.
Being
consistent is the best way to not have drama.
120.
Pay
your bills on time.
121.
People
watching is never a waste of time.
122.
Marry
someone who is fun to be around and makes you laugh. If you can’t laugh you’re going to have a hard time.
123.
Take
LOTS of pictures.
124.
You
are the master of your fate. You are the captain of your soul.
Never forget that your
parents love you. Whatever happens in life, your family will still be
your family. Whatever difficulties you encounter you can always talk to
us and we will try to help. We are here for you.
Nothing you could ever do in this world would cause me to
stop loving you. Please remember that however hard you fall, I’m here to catch
you.
I love you for all that you are, all that you have been, and
all you’re yet to be.
Never forget that I
love you more than any other person in the world, no matter how far apart we
are you will always be my daughter.
